This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof...

This is a bullet post kind of day...

1. Time to finish the blog challenge... and it ends with a picture of yours truly. :) So this is me... just over a year ago, right before we left California and journeyed to Virginia. My hair is no longer blonde - I've gone back to being a brunette - and my hair was only pretending to be straight that day. :) haha...

2. A year ago today my dad joined the angels in heaven, after losing his battle with lung cancer. My husband and I were able to be with my dad and my mom and my brothers during my dad's last week on Earth, and I was by his side 24/7 while he was in hospice. My mom and I were at his side when he took his last breath, and I have never been more devastated. I wish I could say it's easier now, after a year, but I miss him more every single day.

3. IUI #1 has ended with a BFN. Yes, I am disappointed, but I know it's not the end for us, and so we'll be okay. :) Unfortunately we have to wait a month at least before we can do another IUI because my husband will be traveling back home and we really don't want to freeze his sperm - we'll just wait until there's no state separating us. I think the hardest part about the BFN was telling my husband. I had a feeling that it hadn't happened for us this time, but he was so hopeful that I felt like I was ruining all his dreams. Of course he is very understanding and supportive, and together we'll get through this. :)

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

- Honeybee

Tick, tock, tick, tock...

I feel like I have permanent butterflies in my stomach. I am trying so hard to not analyze every little thing, and I'm trying hard not to get too hopeful, but it sure is tough! How in the world am I supposed to get through 2 weeks of this waiting game? Yikes! You'd think I'd be used to waiting with my husband's deployments and all. But I have a feeling these 2 weeks are going to drag by even slower than a 6 month deployment!

- Honeybee

Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying...

Well our first IUI has been completed! :) Yay!!

The whole procedure went smoothly. We were there at 8 for Seabee's part, and the actual IUI was at 9:30. Seabee's sperm was great.... they said they like at least 10 million sperm, and at least 50% motility. Seabee had a post wash sperm count of 30 million with 66% motility. My husband was proud of himself. ;) hahaha... The actual IUI was much quicker than I imagined it would be, and not painful in the least bit. And, can I just add that it surprised me that the sperm wash was $120 OOP, but the IUI was $255 OOP. Really? Doesn't it seem weird that the IUI, which took the doctor all of a minute to complete was so much more expensive than the sperm wash? Just seems odd to me! Anyways... I took the whole day off work, so after the procedure we went home and took a nap before going out to do some shopping. :) So now we're in the two week wait... My first ever! I hope I can make it without going crazy!

Now... something I am really nervous about is that our two week wait is over on July 5th. Which just so happens to be exactly one year since my father passed away. It would be amazing to get a positive result that day (but heartbreaking at the same time, since I would give anything to still have my dad here, and knowing that he will never meet his grandchildren is hard to accept), but I think getting a negative would almost be even harder since I'll already be very emotional that day. Of course, I won't be working that day - I requested it off because I know I'll be a mess - so if I did get a negative result, at least I would be able to process it at home and not be a mess at work! I know, no need to get ahead of myself just yet... Whatever happens, happens, and I'll figure it out when it does.

For now, I'll be "wishing and hoping and thinking and praying" that in two weeks I'll have the positive result I've wanted for so long!! :)

- Honeybee

Are you serious?

Today was my 2nd ultrasound, to confirm or deny whether or not this last course of Femara had worked for me.

When we were at the doctor's on Wednesday we had debated over whether or not to go today, and I decided to go, only because I felt like the "what if's" would drive me crazy if I didn't go. The doctor also suggested that we decide whether we wanted to do another month of Femara, or if we wanted to go on to injections and not waste any more time on Femara. At first my husband and I thought another round of Femara was what we wanted to do, but after discussing it further, we decided that we wanted to pass on another round of Femara and instead go straight to the injections.

So as I headed off to my appointment today I had it all planned out. I went alone today - because my husband only works half days on Fridays and the office is closer to where we work than where we live, and since gas isn't all that cheap, and his truck drinks gas like it's water, I told him he could stay home, not to bother driving out for the appointment, that I would get all the needed information. Well, I had a different doctor for my ultrasound than I normally have, and I also had a medical student in there, as well as a nurse (the fertility clinic I go to is part of a medical school), but they were all super nice, as everyone I meet there is. When the doctor did the ultrasound she commented on how full my bladder was - and then she told me that I had 2 follicles - a 13 mm and a 16 mm - to which my response was, "are you serious?" and then she checked my other side, and told me I had a 9 mm follicle on that side. Oh. my. goodness. On Wednesday I was so disappointed that I nearly cried. Today I was so happy that I did cry! I was in total shock and felt like I was being pranked or something. But it was real! She told me she wanted to give them some time ti keep growing, so on Sunday I'll do my trigger shot and Tuesday morning I'll have my first (and hopefully last) IUI in hopes of making baby number one! :) My husband was thrilled when I called to tell him the news - I could barely talk because I was afraid of sobbing uncontrollably - and very upset with himself that he didn't go with me. Now, I know this IUI might not work, but I am so happy that I went back today... because if I hadn't gone back today we would not have known that this dosage of Femara did in fact work, and we would have gone on to injections. Which would have been more time waiting, more money spent, etc, etc, etc.

And the doctor today told me that in the future, since I have poly cystic ovaries and because I am young, that it is normal for me to ovulate later in my cycles, so I should always insist on having an appointment on day 12 or 13 in order to avoid what happened this time around. I thought that was great advice, and I will definitely follow it (although, I did tell the women who made my appointment that I was told to go in on days 12 or 13, but since there were no openings, she had to give me my original appointment on day 11). So yes, I am very happy and very excited and somewhat nervous. I'm sure my nerves will be super high on Tuesday, but for now I'm still reeling from the shock of the complete turn in events. Definitely did not see that coming!

So I am one happy girl tonight! :)

- Honeybee

Hi, my name is...

Okay, so this is obviously my first post. I'm Honeybee, and my husband of nearly 7 years is Seabee. I am a customer service rep/data entry guru who wishes she was a photographer. My husband is a Navy Seabee (hence the nickname). We have two dogs we love, but we long to become parents. Unfortunately our dream of being surprised by pregnancy has proven to be next to impossible, since I don't ovulate, and my husband's sperm are swimming through jello, apparently. So this is our journey through infertility. I hope that having other people to talk about this with will help us get through it all! We are brand new to all of it, so it's scary and overwhelming and I'm sure many of you can relate to the roller coaster ride we are strapped into and ready to ride.


Here's where we are right now... My husband and I are high school sweethearts. We took all the right precautions in high school... birth control and condoms. We didn't want any surprises! :) Once we married, we waited a year before throwing out our birth control. At that point we weren't trying, but we weren't not trying either. We figured God would bless us with a child when it was time. Fast forward 2 years and I am baby crazy, but my husband's deployment schedule made baby making hard, especially since I have such irregular cycles (anywhere from 28 days to 120 days). We moved to our current duty station a little over a year ago, and decided that since we were looking at 3 years with no deployments (fingers crossed!) we would start TTC for real. I knew my crazy cycle would make things complicated, so I bought a ton of ovulation tests and started using them everyday (since I knew the wackiness of it made it hard to pick just 2 or 3 days to test on) and after a few months of not getting any positive ovulation results my suspicions were confirmed and I made an appointment with my primary doctor to get a referral to a fertility specialist. After spending the winter months getting all of our testing done, we discovered that I am not ovulating on my own (which I already suspected), because I have poly cystic ovaries, and that my husband's semen is "too thick." Our doctor has prescribed Femara for me, and an IUI once I have a mature egg and a lining that is thick enough. Currently I am CD4 (after taking Provera for 5 days and starting my cycle after 11 days), and I am on day 2 of Femara.


Feeling very anxious but trying to remain hopeful that this will be the year we finally become parents.


- Honeybee