Friday, July 15, 2011


You know, I'm normally a very positive person. I am normally genuinely happy for people who get pregnant and have babies. But some days are harder than others. Some days I wonder why all of my cousins seem to get pregnant before they're in committed relationships... Why they get pregnant when they don't have a desire to be a mother in the first place.... Why they get pregnant while on birth control... And why do my friends get pregnant after just a couple months of trying... Why do they get a surprise baby when they've made the decision to not have any more children... Why are they blessed with beautiful bundles of joy and my husband and I cannot get pregnant without medicine and doctors offices and the least romantic situations you can think of. Why them and not me? Why not them and me?

Having a rough week... Well, rough month more like it. My best friend gave birth at the end of June, to her 3rd child, a surprise pregnancy, and yes, I am ecstatic for her, but I'm sad for me. And then I had my first IUI end in a BFN, which obviously added to my sadness. Plus the feelings of regret that I wasn't able to make my father a grandfather before he passed away. And this week a cousin gave birth to her first child. A surprise pregnancy with an on-off boyfriend she's had for a number of years. Again, thrilled for her, sad for me... I'm feeling bitter this week. This is not me at my best. And I don't like feeling this way.

- Honeybee


  1. :(

    I think we all have these feelings of "WHY FREAKIN ME?!!!" :( Sorry you are having a bad month. It's funny because, some of the blogs I read of IF women who struggled through so much crap and now have a baby, it makes me feel less alone and more hopeful. Because they were just in our shoes and now their dreams have come true. Just reminds me that this dark part of our lives, will not be forever. Someday our turn will come :)

  2. Ugh, I hate those kind of weeks!! I get those every once in awhile. *hugs*

  3. Hi there - just read your latest post and came here via Sarah.

    "Why them and not me? Why not them and me? " These lines you wrote really resonated with me and they are so true. I could have written them! I have felt that way countless times because it just doesn't seem fair sometimes, does it?

  4. I know this probably doesn't make you feel any better, but I have asked myself the same question while reading your blog and other similar ones- "Why them and not me?" I don't understand why crappy things happen to good people.

    I wish I had something to say to make you feel better.

  5. Hugs to you. Sorry you are having a hard time of it right now. I know, life seems so unfair. What really gets me is ex-boyfriends who get their new girlfriends pregnant by mistake and end up fathers to amazing little kids. I know that's not an ideal situation for anyone involved, but I'm so incredibly envious...

  6. Hello. I'm new to your blog, found you through another blog. I have to say that I can relate. When my husband's 16 yr old sister got pregnant and had the most amazing little boy I was very angry because she doesn't appreciate him. I should have been a bigger person at the time but I couldn't since I was on my 6th cycle and still BFN. Hope the bitterness goes away.