You know, I'm normally a very positive person. I am normally genuinely happy for people who get pregnant and have babies. But some days are harder than others. Some days I wonder why all of my cousins seem to get pregnant before they're in committed relationships... Why they get pregnant when they don't have a desire to be a mother in the first place.... Why they get pregnant while on birth control... And why do my friends get pregnant after just a couple months of trying... Why do they get a surprise baby when they've made the decision to not have any more children... Why are they blessed with beautiful bundles of joy and my husband and I cannot get pregnant without medicine and doctors offices and the least romantic situations you can think of. Why them and not me? Why not them and me?
Having a rough week... Well, rough month more like it. My best friend gave birth at the end of June, to her 3rd child, a surprise pregnancy, and yes, I am ecstatic for her, but I'm sad for me. And then I had my first IUI end in a BFN, which obviously added to my sadness. Plus the feelings of regret that I wasn't able to make my father a grandfather before he passed away. And this week a cousin gave birth to her first child. A surprise pregnancy with an on-off boyfriend she's had for a number of years. Again, thrilled for her, sad for me... I'm feeling bitter this week. This is not me at my best. And I don't like feeling this way.
Shouldn't I be past this?
4 months ago